Here Come The 'Wednesday Comics' (But For How Long?)

Last week saw the much-heralded release (at least in comic book circles) of DC’s new weekly series, ‘Wednesday Comics’. It has been a while since I have been this interested (OK, I’ll just admit it… geeked out) by a new series. The book is printed on newsprint and folds out to reveal 15 broadsheet-sized pages, each with a different story. And they are not just ‘inventory’ stories either, but new work by top creators such as Neil Gaiman (of ‘American Gods’ and ‘Sandman’ fame), Mike Allred, Paul Pope, Brian Azzarello, Eduardo Risso, Kyle Baker, Kurt Busiek, Dave Gibbons (the ‘Watchmen’ artist, though he’s writing here) and Joe Kubert. Being one of those kids who would go straight to the newspaper funnies each weekend, this is something I didn’t realise how much I wanted until somebody invented it.



Or do I? One of the frustrating things about the newspaper funnies was those strips that never told a complete story but that you would have to follow for weeks on end to understand what was going on. All of the strips in ‘Wednesday Comics’ are like that, which one reviewer likened to a cute date that disappears right before you can order your food. Not many of the writers seem to have adapted their styles to the new format, the twin ‘Flash’ and ‘Iris West’ strips being an exception. Still, just sitting on the couch staring at the art was my reading highlight of the week.

I suppose the question is how long the novelty will last. The buzz around most innovative new series fades away at around the 12 to 18-issue mark (examples off the top of my head: ‘American Flagg’, ‘Bone’, ‘Ultimate Spider-Man’, ‘The Authority’ and ‘Planetary’, all of Alan Moore’s ‘America’s Best Comics’ line, ‘Madman’, etc… watch out ‘Umbrella Academy’…). ‘Wednesday Comics’ is only scheduled to run 12 issues at this point, although surely given the success of its debut DC must already be thinking about another series. I hope it continues, as long as they can keep the quality of the stories high. And I don’t think it necessarily has to be big-name creators that make it a success, there may well be lesser lights whose special genius is writing and drawing a killer ‘newspaper strip’ (for those who understand cricket analogies, the graphic novel would be the Test match, the newspaper strip would be Twenty20). If DC can manage that, then ‘Wednesday Comics’ could soon be a staple of every comic reader’s week.

Boycott the Gold Coast!

In its efforts to expand its market, the Australian Football League plans to introduce a team on the Gold Coast in 2011, and a team in Western Sydney shortly thereafter. Given that these are not traditional AFL markets, the AFL has implemented a number of strategies to ensure that these teams are competitive from the start. For example, the Gold Coast is already up and running and playing matches in its efforts to resemble something akin to a football team by the time it enters the AFL in a couple of years time.

So far, so good. But the linchpin of the AFL's plan is to grant the Gold Coast team major concessions in the National drafts of 2009 and 2010. In summary, in 2009, the Gold Coast team can sign 12 17 year-olds born between January and April 1992, and then in 2010, they have not just pick 2, not just pick 3, but also picks 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 and 15!

If the aim of the AFL is to make the Gold Coast competitive they will probably succeed. However, if they also want the team to be accepted by the football public, then I think there's a good chance they will fail miserably. Who can get behind a team that has the cards so heavily stacked in their favour? I reckon that, by the time Gold Coast enter the league, I will despise them even more than Collingwood. Yes, Collingwood! (And I just joined a Facebook group called 'who wants collingwood kicked out of the afl'.) At least the Pies have to play by similar rules to everyone else (you know, apart from that whole 'away jumper' thing).

And it doesn't matter to me if Gold Coast end up struggling or not. Even if they totally screw up the picks I'll still hate them; they should have been someone else's picks to screw up! (Preferably Richmond's, we can screw up picks more efficiently...) And when the Western Sydney team come in, I'll hate them just as much, if not more, because they come from Sydney and prevented a Tassie team from entering. This is a greater dose of charity than a hundred consecutive 50 metre penalties!

Come on football followers, let's all band together and boycott those freeloaders! Who's with me?

Sir Arthur Eddington's Famous Cricket Puzzle: A Solution

Here's my solution to yesterday's puzzle:

-First, set up the bowling order: the only possible order is this - Pitchwell and Speedwell alternate for 6 overs each, then Tosswell and Pitchwell alternate overs, with Tosswell bowling 7 overs and Pitchwell bowling 6.1 overs.

-Tosswell bowls 5 maidens off his 7 overs, therefore his other 12 balls yield 31 runs. This means that there must be at least 7 fours off Tosswell’s overs.

-Since Tosswell only takes one wicket, the maximum amount of batsmen he can bowl to during those 12 balls is 5. Therefore, 2 batsmen must hit 2 fours each off Tosswell. The only two batsmen who could possibly do this are Bodkins and Perkins (no-one else scores more than 7 runs).

-So Bodkins must survive to face Tosswell, and he can not score in the first 12 overs.

-As Speedwell does not bowl a maiden this means that Bodkins can not face him at any point. Therefore, Speedwell must bowl 3 overs which yield 4 runs each, and 3 overs that yield 1 run each (any other possible combination means that Bodkins would have to score at least 1 run off him).

-We know that Pitchwell only bowls two maidens. Therefore, of the 3 overs that Speedwell bowls which yield 4 runs each, Bodkins must face Pitchwell after only 2 of those overs (and score nothing), and the other 4 runs must come off Speedwell’s last over.

-By the time that Speedwell finishes his last over, there must have been at least 19 runs scored - 15 off Speedwell, and at least 4 off Pitchwell (as he would have bowled 6 overs, with only 2 of them being maidens). Therefore, Atkins, Dawkins and Hawkins must all be out by this point (since Bodkins hasn’t scored), and Jenkins must have scored at least 1 run. But Jenkins can’t have scored only 1 run by this point, as we know that 4 runs are taken off Speedwell’s last over. Therefore, 23 runs have been scored from the first 12 overs.

-This means that the 5 batsmen who scored the 7 fours off Tosswell are Bodkins (2), Perkins (2), Larkins, Meakins and Simkins.

-It also means that a four was taken somewhere off Pitchwell’s first 6 overs, and no fours were taken off his last 6.1 overs (no other combination of scoring shots is possible). And this means Pitchwell’s last 6 full overs yield 1 run each (since 8 runs were taken off his first 6 overs, and there were no maidens in his last 6 full overs).

-Bodkins must be on strike for Tosswell’s first over as 4 runs were scored off Speedwell’s last over. Can it be a maiden? No, because a single has to be scored off Pitchwell’s next over, and none of Bodkins, Jenkins or Larkins (if Jenkins has gone out) can do that. Therefore, Bodkins must score 2 fours off Tosswell’s first over, and then go out, and then someone else must score a four, which can not be Jenkins. So Bodkins is Tosswell’s only wicket, and Jenkins is Speedwell’s only wicket. Fall of wickets so far: 1/6 (Atkins), 2/12 (Dawkins), 3/18 (Hawkins), 4/23 (Jenkins), 5/31 (Bodkins).

-Meakins replaces Bodkins, and he must score a four off Tosswell’s first over (as there are at least 3 fours in that over). Perkins and Simkins must score their fours in Tosswell’s second non-maiden over. What about Larkins? Since Tosswell has already taken his wicket, only two batsmen (Perkins and Simkins) can face him in his second non-maiden over. So Larkins must score his four in Tosswell’s first over, and Meakins must score a 1 to get him on strike. Therefore, 17 runs are scored off Tosswell’s first non-maiden over and 14 off his second one.

-The next few overs go as thus. Meakins scores a single off Pitchwell’s next over, Tosswell’s next over is a maiden (since Meakins doesn’t face Tosswell in his second non-maiden over), and then another single is scored off Pitchwell’s next over. It can’t be from Larkins, so he must be the next man out, at 6/41. Hence, the single comes from Perkins. Tosswell’s next over is a maiden (as Meakins is still in), and then Meakins scores his last single off Pitchwell’s next over, followed by another Tosswell maiden, and a Perkins single off Pitchwell. Then Tosswell bowls yet another maiden, and Meakins is dismissed by Pitchwell (since he can’t score another run), making it 7/44.

-Simkins comes in and scores a run off Pitchwell. Perkins and Simkins then plunder 14 off Tosswell, with Simkins hitting 5 of the runs, and Perkins 9. That takes Simkins up to 6 runs and Perkins to 11, meaning they can’t score anymore. In Pitchwell’s next over, he takes Perkins at 8/59, and then Tomkins at 9/59. Wilkins then comes in and scores the final single. Tosswell then bowls his final maiden over to Wilkins, and then Pitchwell comes back and takes Simkins with his first ball of the over (and last ball overall).

Final answers:

a) Tosswell dismissed Bodkins, Speedwell dismissed Jenkins, Pitchwell dismissed the rest.
b) Wilkins was left not out.
c) The fall of wickets: 6, 12, 18, 23, 31, 41, 44, 59, 59, 60.

Sir Arthur Eddington's Famous Cricket Puzzle

This puzzle appears to be diabolical, but it can be solved - Don Bradman did it, and I did it (and that's where the similarities between me and the Don end).

THE PUZZLE

An Imaginary Scoreboard

Atkins 6
Bodkins 8
Dawkins 6
Hawkins 6
Jenkins 5
Larkins 4
Meakins 7
Perkins 11
Simkins 6
Tomkins 0
Willkins 1

Extras 0

Total 60

BOWLING

Pitchwell: 12.1-2-14-8
Speedwell: 6-0-15-1
Tosswell: 7-5-31-1

CLUES:

1. The Batsmen have scored only in singles and 4s.
2. All of them were clean bowled. No one was caught or run out. There were no no balls or 'short' runs.
3. Speedwell and Tosswell bowled 6 and 7 overs respectively at a stretch.
4. Pitchwell opened the bowling, with Speedwell coming in at the other end for the next over.
5. The overs were of 6 balls each.

QUESTIONS:

1. Which bowler dismissed which batsmen?
2. Who was not out?
3. What were the Fall of Wickets?

Music v Lyrics

One of my favourite tracks from the recently-released Temper Trap album, 'Down River', begins with this lyric:

Finally/ we have seen some things/ some awfully nice/ some dreadfully bad

Depending upon your view, such a lyric is either quite profound or equivalent to fourth-grade poetry. Does it distract from the song? A little... but I still think it's an excellent track - the beat is catchy and the harmonies are great. But it again raised the question for me about how important the lyrics actually are to a pop song? While bad is bad, I've found that many great acts can get by with lyrics that are barely adequate - Oasis being one of the best examples. Furthermore however, there are heaps of cases where I would choose the band with (what I think is) the better music over the band with the better lyrics - Oasis and the Verve over Pulp, the Beatles over the Stones, the Stone Roses over the Happy Mondays, the Vines over the Strokes, David Bowie over Bob Dylan, heaps of people over Leonard Cohen, and so on...

On the other hand, I still prefer some lyrics over none - I'll take Cut Copy and Passion Pit over the Chemical Brothers and Daft Punk for example. But I also prefer songs with guitars and drums over those without. Which suggests to me that vocals are, primarily, just another instrument that I like. And it doesn't matter too much what the precise words are, just as long as they feel like part of the song.

(Of course, no doubt after posting this, I'll think of dozens of examples where the lyrics make the song, but I'll stick by these observations for now.)

The Finger Points Outwards - No.19

A report on the Manufacturing industry that I wrote for the Australian Fair Pay Commission has been released. You can find it here:

Manufacturing Industry Profile

How The She-Hulk Made Me Accept My Mortality

This week I picked up the fourth issue of Marvel’s late-1980s-early-1990s comic book series, The Sensational She-Hulk, a comic I first read when I was not even nine years old. (I already owned a copy, but I found issues #1-7 as a block, and didn’t feel like I could separate them. It’s a tic…) In the issue, a character named the Blonde Phantom, who is a comic book heroine from the 1940s, attempts to become a supporting character in the She-Hulk’s title. Her motive for doing so is to prevent herself from further aging, given that comic book characters remain the same age (hell-oooo Tintin…) Her husband’s death, during the years in which they were waiting to be brought back into the funny pages, has highlighted to her the ‘fact’ of her mortality.



The Blonde Phantom’s dilemma made me fondle my own grey hairs, as I have increasingly come to the realization that, as I approach the age of 30, I am more often becoming older than the characters I read about. Writer/artist Frank Miller once had a similar realization with regard to the Batman – his solution was to age Bruce Wayne by twenty years for The Dark Knight Returns. But it is not just comic book characters; I recently re-read Catch-22 and was horrified to find that Yossarian, though a captain, was three years younger than I am, and he is one of the older characters in the novel. (Although the fact that so many young men are being sent to die may be part of the point.) I am nine years older than Lizzy Bennett in Pride and Prejudice. And even real-life figures bring me no comfort – I’m older than almost all of the Beatles at the time they made their final album, Abbey Road, and older than Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison at the time of their deaths.

When I was not even nine years old, the adventures of my heroes seemed possible for me, something I could do if I only were old enough. Now, far more often, they seem to be the achievements of people younger than myself who have achieved so much more. How will I cope as I approach middle-age and these characters remain as young as ever? Is the point that you grow out of popular culture the one where you realize that the people you are following are young enough to be your children?

I sensed the specter of Father Time hanging over me… until I remembered the Blonde Phantom asking the She-Hulk how old she was. ‘Thirty-one,’ she replied. Thirty-one!! My not-even-nine-year-old self had always thought of the She-Hulk as a fun, hip and happening girl. To learn that she was still older than I am filled my heart with hope. Over a year still remains in which I will be younger than my green-skinned gal, and there will be another few years after that in which I will be within an acceptable age range. Hooray! My youth is not done with yet! And hopefully, by the time that I can no longer deny that I have passed my physical peak, such trivialities will have longed cease to matter…

The Wooden Finger Guide to the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest - Part Two

13. Moldova - My notes became markedly more drunken by this point, so the descriptions will, in general, become briefer. All I can make out is that this was the Eurovision's 258th attempt to 'blend the traditional with the modern', that there were 'nice legs and boots', and something about 'Cassock dancing'. Can that be right? Well, it must not have made much of an impression. Rating: 2.5 euros.

14. Malta - As I think Terry Wogan said once, Malta, unlike some of the larger Eurovision countries, always try hard. The singer was not quite what I expected, with the figure of an opera diva, and the voice of an R&B diva. Either way, it was one of the better voices in the competition. Rating: 3.5 euros.

15. Estonia - The artist's name, 'Urban Symphony', gave me hope that we would hear something approximating The Verve. Riichard Ashcroft though never looked this good. The lead singer, with her beautiful, long, dark hair, was simply stunning, and the cellists behind her broke my heart. It made me want to move to Estonia as soon as possible, although perhaps it was not wise to inform my wife of that fact. Song: 3 euros. Eye candy: 5 euros.



16. Denmark - Ronan Keating had a hand in writing this song, and one of his doppelgangers was chosen to sing it. The rock band was a bit misleading, as the song was as wimpy as most of Boyzone's catalogue. The unnecessary high five between two of the band members made it that little bit more nauseating. Rating: 2 euros.

17. Germany - The Germany had the best band name to this point: 'Alex Swings, Oscar Sings', and possibly the best song name too: 'Miss Kiss Kiss Bang'. The lead singer camped it up for all it was worth, and just when you thought it couldn't any more kitsch, out pops Dita Von Teese, with her waistline that defies imaginiation. The song itself was rubbish, but the production was amazing. Rating: 4 euros.



18. Turkey - Too much flesh for flesh's sake, and compared to Estonia, quite classless. Lauren noted that the guy looked like he had been tied up in a carseat. Rating: 1.5 euros.

19. Albania - The weirdest entry by far. It included a fairy, two midgets for her to stand on, and a green man with discoball sparkles on his face. I still don't get it. Rating: 2 euros.

20. Norway - Inexplicably the favourite to win the competition, the Norwegian entry featured an elf with a fiddle, complete with his own band of Pan-like followers. Not the worst entry, but apart from the twin blondes, nothing startling. Rating: 3 euros.

21. Ukraine - I was wrong - this had an even better song title than Germany: 'Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)'! It included mostly naked gladiators trapped like hamsters in turning wheels, and lights designed to induce an epilieptic seizure. Basically, it was the second weirdest entry. The singer gets extra points for her drum solo though. Rating: 2 euros.



22. Romania - Essentially a Dungeons 'n' Dragons wet dream, with a bunch of skinny women in reed-like dresses swaying before the dungeon master's throne. Otherwise, not particularly interesting. Rating: 2 euros.

23. United Kingdom - Boring, Lloyd-Webber rubbish. Rating: 1 euro.

24. Finland - Another top band name, 'Waldo's People', delivered an unusually upbeat song about homelessness. Really, only the burning rubbish bins give you a clue to this, otherwise it looks like a younger version of the Edge gone gangster. Rating: 1.5 euros.

25. Spain - I can't remember much about this entry. I do remember that I've forgotten my Spanish though. Rating: 2 euros.

The Wooden Finger Guide to the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest - Part One

1. Lithuania - Since Eurovision voters generally have memory spans comparable to goldfish, it's always a difficult task to be the first act on stage. Lithuania didn't make it any easier on themselves by choosing a guy that appeared to be singing a love song to his hat. Furthermore, with the sparse arrangement on stage, too much was left to our piano-playing friend, who didn't have nearly enough charisma to pull it off. The most action he could muster was to light up a flame at the end... things would have been far more interesting if he had set fire to his hat instead. Rating: 1.5 euros (out of 5)



2. Israel - The Israelis made a peculiar choice by picking the Witches of Eastwick to represent them. Singing in three different languages was a nice postmodern touch, although it doesn't really help much if the tune sucks. At least the crowd went wild, waving their huge plastic hammers with the Star of David about. Rating: 2 euros

3. France - The best entry to this point, and as it turned out, the best entry of them all. Patricia Kaas, with her moonlight-coloured skin and high cheekbones in tow, delivered a typically late-night Parisian club tune. By the end of the song, she was gripping the microphone like her life depended on it, and you expected her to undergo the full transformation into a ghostly creature of the night. Stirring stuff. Rating: 4.5 euros

4. Sweden - This couldn't have been more Swedish if the performers had come out swinging Ikea stools. A blond, buxom woman dressed in white belted out a pop-operatic chorus, and by the end of it all the Kremlin was lying in a thousand pieces. Rating: 3 euros

5. Croatia - Europorn made its first appearance with the Crotian entry, featuring a lead singer who can't get over himself and an array of girls pleasuring themselves in the background. The wind machine was the real star though, certainly more than the girl in white, whose main contribution appeared to be to squeal every now and then. Rating: 2.5 euros



6. Portugal - A lovely little entry, starring a rather earnest young lady, a backdrop covered with clouds and flowers, and the most enthusiastic drummer north of the Mediterrenean. You couldn't help but be filled with a warm, happy, cuddly feeling (this may be why my wife liked it so much). Rating: 4 euros

7. Iceland - This entry starred Yohanna, an 18 year-old who may now be the richest person in Iceland. The song ('Is It True?') is not bad in an '80s power ballad type of way, although it could have been improved if they had ditched the second-hand prom dresses. Rating: 3.5 euros

8. Greece - It was time for some nightclubbing, and who better to take us there than a hairless Greek man with his top few shirt buttons inexplicably undone? If that wasn't enough, there was also the flashing conveyor belt which he was busting his moves on. Every act should have a flashing conveyor belt. An absolute riot. Normal Eurovision service had been resumed. Rating: 3 euros Unintentional comedy value: 4.5 euros



9. Armenia - The Armenians trumped the Israelis by sending out a couple of gypsies, complete with jewelled headbands. You could almost smell the shisha on stage. It started in a promising way, with the best backbeat of the competition, but soon dissolved into cliched Euro-dance with the trademark key change at the finish. The garter belts were either a highlight or lowlight, depending on your sexual orientation. Rating: 3 euros

10. Russia - The hometown entry threw up a surprise by opting for a brunette, who was kind of pretty in an Anastasia Myskina-like way. The Russians finally justified the use of the big screens that had been floating around every performance, replaying film of the lead singer wailing along, and digitally aging her as the song progressed. Either that or her make-up wasn't built to last. Rating: 3.5 euros

11. Azerbaijan (Who?!) - Flexible dancers trying to distract you from an awfully pedestrian beat. Ho hum. Rating: 2.5 euros

12. Bosnia-Herzegovnia - With the array of military figures on stage, it was like something straight out of 'War and Peace'. Or 'Alice in Wonderland'. It was good to finally see some guitars on stage, unfortunately they didn't do much with them. Rating: 3 euros

Entries 13 to 25 to follow.